Choices & consequences

Pers. column about the repercussions of choosing.

There I was; being the perfect passenger princess (as per), with two and a half hours still to go until we’d reach out destination. Which can only mean one thing in my book; there was a dire need for a proper coffee stop! And, as passenger princes duties go, that is was up to me to find the perfect place for said stop.

So, I started my Google Maps investigation, going through the millions of options along the way. I have my particular demands when it comes to a coffee shop (along the route, great looking coffee, vibes…) so there is quite a bit of research involved.

And the the stress hit me. It suddenly felt like each of these million different options would alter my life in a different way, open up a different path. And without knowing which options would lead to which outcome, I.. I didn’t know what to do.

I want to experience it all. I want to live every life, I want to be every possible version of myself and I want to be able to go fully into each one. I want to go to each and every coffee shop, see what version of life comes from it, and then go back into the now to choose the one I like the most.

Which sounds like crazy work, but the problem is.. I have been doing this. In a very non-real-life kinda way, but still. Because as someone who is (finally!) playing the Witcher 3 for the first time.. I am carefully weighing and researching all my decisions.

In the case of playing a videogame (unlike playing ‘real life’), you actually can weigh your decisions by their outcome. Because they are know. And so, I am googling my ass off while playing, carefully researching.

Which is fine! Healthy? Not sure. But not a problem on its own. The issue is that this behavior is seeping into my real life. Not the googling - because what does the internet even know nowadays? - but more so the ‘wanting to know’. Or maybe it has always been there, and I am just noticing it more now.

And as in real life, while playing the Witcher I am also trying to ‘do it all’. The complitionist in me translates to both gameplay and true life, and I have this unsatisfiable need to do, have and know it all. To check off every path, every question mark on the map.

But in real life, that’s just not possible. (Sad, I know)

Back to real life - to an area where this is somehow a more dormant feeling, but simultaneously a more impactful truth; the job search.

Because your job really does change your life. Like — massively. It changes what you do all day, what possibilities open up, it changes how much you make and thus how you spend your money, how much free time you have. It changes how much development you get to do, what impact you have on the world, it changes what people you spend your time with. Long story short; it changes everything.

So how do we know what to choose? And how many of us are actually making a conscious choice? The more people I ask about this, the more I keep hearing ‘you just kinda grow into it’. What does it mean, that something so impactful is so often left up to chance?

I don’t think anyone likes making decisions. Some fix this feeling by doing all their research, writing down all the pros and cons — and others deal by just leaving it up to life and calling it ‘being flexible’. Most of us are probably happily unaware of all the paths they are closing for themselves by every choice they make. Those are the people I envy.

But in the end, life is life. Whether we live life a or life b, we are living a worthy life. We can be happy, content, joyful and loved in each one.

Maybe it isn’t so much about the choice we make, but more about what we do once that choice has been made.

The coffeeshop I chose was closed. And so was the next one. So we drove on, and in the town we ended up we didn’t just have a really good flat white, I also ended up buying the notebook that has gone sorta viral on my notes.

Was it the good choice? I don’t know.

But it was the choice that ended with me writing this piece. So I’m quite satisfied in the end. And I hope that you are too.

With love,

M.